I have been struggling lately with my connection to the things that I used to define myself by: most prominently, my passion for art and design, both in my career and in my personal work.
When an artist loses faith in her creativity and ability, it can easily become disastrous for many reasons, the least of which not being able to produce ANY work, good OR bad.
So here’s where I was, and that’s bad enough when it relates to one’s personal projects, but when it begins to affect your career, you’d better do something about it… and quick.
Trouble is, how? When your work requires you to generate ideas and creative projects on a schedule, it can be difficult enough as it is to force the creative process in order to meet deadlines. At the end of the day you’re often tapped out; finding any juice left for yourself is a tricky business. But not doing so could be potentially dangerous during a creative drought – you have to push through in order to get to the other side.
My partner and I discussed this conundrum and me being emotional, felt a great deal of despair and loss – I felt as though something of myself had been left behind somewhere far away and I had no idea where or how to begin looking for it. My partner wisely suggested that I need to do something creative without pressure. He said I should just draw.
I immediately had flashes of my life as an artist: evenings as a child, sitting in the living room drawing portraits of my family… all the moments growing up when I dreamed of what could be, and drew them on paper… then blissful times in college and university in the few classes where I felt like i was not under pressure; where I felt at ease and completely in control: Life Drawing and Illustration.
I knew that this was brilliance at its most pure. It was the only thing that I could do to rekindle the passion I had seemingly lost. I have renewed hope again. I have a fresh sketchbook I went and got on the weekend to make this happen. I don’t care if anyone ever looks at it… it’s for me – a vehicle to find myself again. I’m pretty certain there’s a fresh-faced, wide-eyed version of myself eagerly waiting for me down that path and I can’t wait to reconnect with her.